Fascinated
by ellikanellika
Summary: A bunch of Lily and James one shots - each one a story for itself of how they could have become a couple :
1. Fascinated

_**Fascinated**_

* * *

His crunched form gave away his state of mind. He was depressed. Quite hard. And the melancholy was practically radiating from him. When someone told him something or asked him something, he smiled wryly and answered with a slightly less happier voice than normally.

Everyone noticed of course. But no one said anything, for everyone knew the reason behind it.

And now, watching him like that, knowing that it was her fault and knowing that he will not ask her out, nor will he declare his undying love for her ever again, she felt completely devastated.

She felt empty and sad and although she tried to cope with it by pushing it back in her thoughts, it did not work.

She has always been fascinated by him. In a good and bad sense of course. The bad one was his constant energetic destruction of school property and his occasional bullying of people he disliked. The good one was his nagging for a date with her. It fascinated her how he always came back to her, although she said and did quite nasty things to him.

He never gave up on his one-sided love.

And when he finally decided to take her words to heart and grow up, she realizes that this was not a one-sided love. It was pretty much complete – from his side and well as from her side.

Now, how come she realized this only after he agreed to be a normal friend with her? The group of friends was walking down the hall, they were all there, but she felt as if he was too far away from her.

The classes were over and her mind did not let her in peace. She blinked at him in confusion. How did he managed to capture her? She thought that she would feel something like that when he would pull one of his flirting tricks again. But it happened only now, when he lost all his hope and showed her that it actually did wrack him.

So…

Why not just end this misery for both?

''James…'' she called him calmly, making him look at her with those wonderfully doe eyes, so happily bright that she said his name.

''Yeah?'' he asked casually, trying to sound not too eager, for he did not want to destroy this newly born peaceful friendship.

''I think I might have fallen in love with you.'' She suddenly told him in a way as if she just realized it. His books fell on the floor, his arms hanging strangely in the air and his eyes blinking in surprise at her, realizing what she said.

''Hh-huh?'' he brought out dumbly and stared at her, almost not breathing with his heart thumping so hard that he was scared it would jump out of his throat.

She stared back at him, lost in her own thoughts and he smiled unsure if he actually heard right at all. His friends that were laughing their head off a few moments ago were now looking from one to another in confusion.

The whole situation seemed quite bombastic, but she appeared calm and composed as id she did not just say what he thought he heard her say.

''Pp-pardon?'' he stuttered nervously, something no one has ever seen from him. ''What d-did you just say?'' if she did not actually say what he thought he heard her, he might die. Really! He will die!

''Hmm?'' she hummed in question, her mind still not really there.

''Lily?'' he snapped his fingers in front of her face and she finally blinked, her eyes catching his, making her face brighten up in a sunshine-like smile.

''James…'' she said softly and he really almost lost it. He gulped nervously, his hands shaking and his face blushing, when he saw her expression – like she just saved the world.

''I think that I really did fall in love with you.'' She said it louder now, clarified it in front of his friends and declared it to him. It was not even a confession, but a statement.

He finally breathed out, his mouth gaping, when his friends behind him whistled loudly and threw their arms over his shoulder in a friendly manner, almost making him lose balance.

''Go for it Potter!'' called Sirius over everyone else and pushed him towards the beautiful, red-haired and green-eyed girl. The boy with glasses stumbled clumsily and stopped in front of her. When he looked at her face, she was still smiling, although, there was finally a rosy stain over her cheek.

He did not hear the cheering, nor did he listen to his friends' loud and laughing advices. Everything went still in his mind and the only thing he actually heard was his hard breathing and her voice of confession echoing through his head.

He carefully and with shaking hands took her hand and finally asked her as he so often did. ''Would you- I-I m-mean uh… um… Lily… I-I'd like you t-''

''James.'' She stopped his nervous babbling and pulled at his hand.

''Yes. As a matter of fact, I'd like to go out with you. Right now if it's possible.'' She calmly told him, making him lose his entire cool. She pulled him behind her and he followed her like a lost puppy, still not quite believing that what happened actually was not a part of his imagination.


	2. Pissed Off

_**Pissed Off**_

* * *

The moment he was about to push himself and his broom off the ground, someone grabbed his arm and made him stop. He looked to his side and glared at her.

''What?'' he called over the loudly falling rain and thundering. It was a storm apocalypse and one could only be mad to want to fly in this murderous weather.

Apparently he was.

''Are you crazy?'' she screamed at him, her eyes filled with fury and her long red hair dripping with rain, making her look like a fairy tale nymph.

He tried to pull his arm out of her grip, but it seemed that she suddenly became stronger.

''Bugger off Evans!'' he told her angrily and looked away, ready to just start flying. A loud thunder cut through the air when she screamed his name out and pulled him off the broom. It shocked him how strong she actually was and he stared at her with wide eyes, surprise written all over his face.

''You won't do something that stupid just because your ego was smashed to pieces!'' she screamed at him, while pulling him behind her over the Quiddity pitch. He had this fine idea of flying in the storm a couple of minutes ago to get lose of his anger, but it seemed that this girl, who made him angry at the first place, did not even let him do that!

''My ego?'' he exclaimed behind her, letting her lead him under the roof of the bleachers. ''My ego my ass!'' he finally pulled away from her grip, making her turn towards him and stare him down.

''Yes! Your ego Potter! Just to prove that you're not childish, you go out in this storm, trying to bravely kill yourself! Very adult-like!''

''I was not trying to prove anything!''

''Then go inside!''

''Who do you think you are?''

''I'm the fucking reason you're behaving like a dumb idiot right now, so I'm preventing you from doing something stupid!''

''Oh wow! Important much?!''

''James!''

''What do you want me to say? If you don't care about my childish games and if you don't care about me at all as you so nicely put it a couple of hours before, then leave me the fuck alone!''

''I do care about you dammit!'' she screamed back again, punching him in the shoulder.

He stopped for a moment, shocked about hearing something like that from her, but again composed himself. ''Yeah, yeah. Now you care about me.'' He turned away from her, offended that she says things he wants to hear only to achieve what she wants.

He walked away into the rain again, sighing in despair and asking himself why the hell did he like this girl so much.

''James!'' she called after him and grabbed him again. This time she did not pull him under the bleachers roof, but stayed right beside him, rain drenching them both.

He looked at her, his eyes widening in surprise when he noticed that her eyes were slightly red and swollen. If she cried, he could not be sure because of the rain.

''Please don't go flying now. It's too dangerous.'' She begged, clenching his sleeve. ''A lightning can hit you. Aa-and you might die.'' His anger was slowly huffed out of him and desperately looked up into the black sky. He was so doomed with this girl. He cannot take her tears or her pleading voice. It makes him all soft and wobbly like it does right now.

With his free hand, he went through his wet hair and sighed, pulling her with him under the roof. She was shaking all over, the same as he was and she definitely was crying. She tried to hide it by gulping and wiping her nose, but she was definitely crying.

He wanted to take out his wand to dry them up, but she beat him to it and did it herself. She even casted a warming spell over them to prevent a cold or a fever.

''Lily…'' he started and sighed when she gulped again.

''I'm sorry.'' She suddenly told him and put the back of her free hand on her forehead. ''I know that it doesn't mean anything and that it's quite stupid to apologize after I said so many… ugly things to you – but I'm really sorry. I always let out my anger on you, but I never do really mean all those things I say. I'm sorry for- for saying all that.'' She told him slowly and he knew that it was rare for her to even utter an apology, less give an explanation with it.

Lily Evans was a strange girl. She was beautiful on the outside and inside, but she had a huge pride, which cannot be taken away from her. However, throwing her pride away for him showed him that she really did care for him. That she did not mean anything she said before.

He sighed again.

''I'm sorry too…'' he told her and made her eyes wide. ''I know that my constant pestering makes you furious and I'm kind of asking for it. So… For losing it, I'm sorry. I should have kn-''

She kissed him then.

He blinked in confusion, feeling her soft lips on his. Her lips lingered on his for a few moments, gently pressing at him and made him close his eyes. His heart was racing and his hands were shaking, not sure what just happened.

She slowly pulled away from him then. Her eyes wide open as if she could not believe what she had done. He stared at her in the same way, only his face showed more happiness than confusion. He did not press the matter. He was not able to speak actually. The tension in the air made them both stand and stare, none of them capable to move.

It was she that came to her senses first. Her cheeks blushed furiously and her hand that was holding on to him flew over her mouth as if she tried to stifle a scream. It seemed that it was now that she actually realized what she had done.

She took a few steps back, making him almost cry in desperation. Was she going to back down? Now? After all this?

He would get angry again if not for her next words.

''Was this ok?'' she asked, making him blink at her dumbly.

''Huh?''

''I-I mean… Did I do the right thing? Was it alright?'' she asked uncertain.

She got to be kidding him!

Of all the possible things, she was concerned if he actually liked that she kissed him?

''Are you kidding me?'' he exclaimed, startling her and looking at him in uneasiness.

''I've been fucking in love with you for ages and you ask me if it was alright to kiss me?! Are you serious?!'' he shouted, taking a few steps towards her and making her blush furiously. ''I love you, you stupid girl! Why wouldn't I like kissing you?!''

She looked to the side embarrassed. ''M-maybe b-because of what I said bef-''

He grabbed her then, pulling her closer. They were face to face now. Up close.

''Damn if I care about those things! You better not joke with me!'' he told her finally and crashed his mouth over hers, making her gasp in surprise and softly moan when he put his hand on the back of her neck to get a better angle.


	3. Pride

_**Pride**_

* * *

You know how they say that you only realize what you had when you lose it. That is kind of how I feel right now. Not that I did not actually know that all this really meant something to me – it did – I just did not want to admit it. But it was exactly my stubbornness that kind of destroyed all the chances I had.

I am saying 'kind of', because not everything disappeared, but the part I actually wanted, did.

I knew for a long time that I fancied him. And by that I do not mean having a silly crush on him. What I mean by fancying him is that I was somewhat seriously in love with him. Still am, actually. But my pride did not allow me to express these feelings because of his belief that I, although that my behaviour indicated some kind of hate towards him, that I actually liked him.

This was of course true. But letting him know that and giving him the satisfaction of confirming something he told me was true and I claimed was not – made me always deny it over and over again.

Until of course it all went to hell.

Because Potter started to… well… he started to become a normal person around me. Which was not normal. At all. And it could only mean one thing. He was giving up on me.

And that my dear friends was something that shocked me beyond belief.

And not only shocked me. It literally crushed my lovey-dovey mental world.

I felt my heart beating wildly while a horrible feeling spread through my stomach, making me almost walk to the toiled and throw up everything I ate today.

It made me sick.

So in all my Evans fashion, I had to stop this sickness. Of course I had to think about not getting my pride smashed, because I would not be me if I did not think about my pride. Which is why I had to do something that would firstly show me if the jerk still cared about me and secondly give me a chance to – you know – get closer to him or better yet, get us together.

I was thinking about this a lot. To be honest, I had no idea what to do. On the one hand, I just had a feeling that Potter wanted me to swallow my pride and admit out loud that I had feelings for him – this of course could end terribly, considering Potter would make it a joke and humiliate me in front of others. On the other hand, it seemed that he really just lost interest.

Quite depressed over the matter, I went out to fly on my broom a few rounds. It was a little cold outside and it seemed that it was about to rain. But you know the British weather. Maybe it will, maybe it will not. Who knows.

I was flying around the Quidditch pitch, enjoying the wind across my face and breathing in the fresh air. There was no other person in sight because everyone liked the warmth of the castle better than this cold outside. To be honest, I was hoping that a certain someone would have come out after me, calling my name and telling me to go inside or at least do a few rounds with me. Some time ago, I would not have let him do that. But now…

''I really need to do something about this.'' But what?

I got my answer when a cold drop of rain splashed on my nose. I looked up and noticed the thick and dark clouds above me, lightening further away and a still soft thunder getting nearer and nearer.

A storm was about to catch me and… why not?

It was a great opportunity! I would get ill, get some rest and see if my state affected the one I wanted it to affect. It is a win-win situation!

So I stayed outside for some time. It started to rain heavily and the wind got stronger. I felt the cold rushing through my veins and after my body finally started shaking, I flied down and drenched to the bones started to march towards the castle.

When I walked inside, of course I got many concerned and confused stares. Why would I not? My hair, my clothes and everything I had on me was dripping and a small puddle of water stayed behind every step I made.

''Lily!'' I heard the voice of my friend Alice. When I turned to her, she gaped at me with shock. She and some other girls from our dormitory were on their way to dinner and of course a couple of other Gryffindor's were also there.

Including him.

''What-'' she started but I put my hand up in the air, telling her to close her mouth.

''I was out flying. Got a bit carried away. I'm going to shower now and I'm coming down as fast a s possible, so please wait for me.'' I told my friends and turned away, heading towards our rooms.

It felt like heaven, taking a hot shower, shampooing my hair and washing my body with my best smelling soap. I felt refreshed getting out and putting on fresh clothes. However, I already felt a strange wave inside my body that indicated that I caught a cold.

When I walked down to dinner, I started to feel dizzy, but I had to make it to my friends. If I was about to pass out, it had to be in front of him dammit!

When I stepped in, my friends were already eating and chatting and when Alice noticed me, she smiled.

''Lily! Fresh from the shower?'' she asked and smelled at me when I came to a stop in front of her.

''Yep. '' my voice was slightly hoarse and that made my friend look at me in concern.

''It was great outside.'' I told her with a smile, but she was already checking me out for another signs of illness.

''You ok?'' she asked and I had to blink hard in order to get rid of the stupid dizziness. I sneezed loudly and that made him finally look at me.

''You seem… tired… and quite ill.'' Alice told me and put her hand on my forehead. ''It's hot.'' She concluded. ''You might have a fever.''

I could not really hear what she said because the room started to spin around me and my ears seemed to be gone deaf.

The last thing I did actually hear was Alice's scream of my name. Then everything went black.

So yeah… Everyone knew how fast my body was able to catch a cold. Or a fever for that matter, so I think that there is nothing wrong to use this as an advantage.

If you readers still do not get what I am saying – yes, I made myself ill on purpose. To see how he will react. And I had to make it as dramatic and as public as possible, so there is no chance he would not know about it.

Of course the fact that I pass out was not considered in my plan, but hey – more drama for me!

And of course when I woke up in the hospital wing, no one around my bed, my heart and my hopes got crushed.

So that is how it was.

I was alone and ill and no one seemed to care. Alice had been here, I knew that because she left a note behind, explaining that she had to do something for some professor. I was already the day after my collapsing and the sun was brightly shining through the window – and there was no one there.

I sighed, giving up on hope. This was it. If he did not at least care for me that much to at least come and see if I am all right, then yeah… I should just stop this nonsense of mine and start over.

Or something.

I sighed again, gazing out through the window and losing myself in those memories of sweet confessions from him and all those tricks he tried to pull just to get my attention. I should have believed him then.

Or I should just have minded my own business. I would not have lost Severus that way and Potter would have stayed a nobody for me.

The silence in the room was screaming in my ears, but it was suddenly overpowered by an actual noise from outside. From outside the window actually.

I blinked in confusion, not really knowing what was going on.

I heard a strange noise of something flying in the air – it seemed like a broom but it sounded a bit… heavier. And I heard some… strange voices…

I straightened myself up stared through the closed window… Which was suddenly opened by an unknown force.

I was about to scream my head off when I caught side of people, sitting on brooms and floating right in front of the window.

''Lily!'' I suddenly heard his voice call my name and my heart almost jumped out of my chest.

Potter was one of the people who were floating on their broom. His hair was as messy as always; however, his look was not as cool as it usually was. Instead it was concern plastered all over his face.

''J-james?'' I stuttered, my voice still hoarse and weak. I realized that it were the four boys, who have annoyed the hell out of me since I became a witch that were floating in front of my window.

''I'm not gonna watch this!'' I heard Sirius Black say in a mocking voice.

''Me neather.'' Was Peter's weak reply.

They both flew away and Remus who stayed behind for a bit, just gave his friend and me a smile and flew away as well.

The hell?

Now it was just James and he slowly flew into the room, letting his broom landing on the ground and stepping towards my bed.

I could only stare at him in amazement. My heart was about to explode.

''How are you?'' he asked me, standing in front of my bed. When I did not answer right away, he scratched his head and looked around. ''I see that it was only Alice who was allowed to visit you.''

That confused me. ''People were not allowed to see me?''

He nodded. ''Still aren't.'' he shrugged. ''That's why I got here like this.'' He motioned towards the window and gave me a lopsided smile.

I almost melted.

''And I thought…'' I started, still staring at him with amazement.

He was watching me. That made me nervous. And now, actually having the opportunity to, you know, talk to him, it seemed that my mouth had a problem with moving.

''How are you feeling? You look a bit… strange…'' he told me, stepping to the side of my bed. I suddenly smiled at him and that shocked him.

''Lily? Are you actually sleeping?'' he put his hand on my forehead and felt my temperature.

''You're still hot.'' He mumbled.

''Mhm…'' I was still smiling at him like an idiot, not believing my luck. I breathed in his scent. It was intoxicating. It was breath-taking. I was in heaven.

''Lily?''

''Hm?'' I asked, my eyes gazing at him.

''I'm not sure if you're by yourself or if you're just in a strange state right now, but… You really look-'' he caressed my cheek and for a moment I closed my eyes. It was so nice having him here. It was so nice feeling his hand against my skin. It was just so nice. I was most probably dreaming.

''Hey,'' I interrupted him. ''Is this real or am I having a dream?'' I asked him, my eyes half open. He watched me intensely.

''Why do you ask?''

''I haven't heard you talking to me for a quite some time. So it must be a dream.'' I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch.

It were not his fingers that caressed my cheek anymore. He hugged my face with his palm and made me look at him again.

''It's not a- I mean- I really am here, Lily. You're not dreaming. I didn't want to bother you anymore so that you would realize that maybe I'm not such a git.'' He told me, hope filling his eyes. I could hear his fast breathing and feel his racing heart.

So he did still like me.

''Yeah?'' I asked, smiling at him like he was the love of my life. Which he actually was. Somehow. As much as a teenage love can be at least.

''Lily… You know that I still like you…'' he gently told me.

''You do?'' I asked, just to be sure.

''Yeah… I do. I hope that it doesn't bother you to much – me telling you this all over again. But… When you collapsed… And I saw you hit the floor… And your pale face…'' he gulped, his face in pain.

''I'm glad.'' I whispered, feeling dizzy again.

''You're glad? About wh-''

''That you like me.'' I told him. ''It makes me quite happy.'' I felt my eyes dropping, hoping he heard me. This is my last chance to do something. And me falling asleep again is not a good idea.

''You are?'' his voice sounded so happy. I felt his other hand on my other cheek.

''Mhm.''

''Lily… Do you like me?...''

I opened my eyes just a bit. ''Mhm.'' And closed them again. I have no idea what happened afterwards and I'm not really sure if it all actually happened, but when I woke up again and was able to go to class, James Potter suddenly took my hand in his, smiling proudly, while making the way to our classroom and kissed my cheek when I turned towards him to ask him what is going on.

In response, all I could do was blink at him and smile.


	4. Sadness Part One

_**Fascinated**_

* * *

_**Sadness Part One**_

James Potter had enough of this shit. He is going to end all this and he will move on and live like he wanted to. Not that he did not live like he wanted until now, but he is going to change things drastically and he will not back down.

With fists clenched and his steps quick and sure, he marched out of the school into the school's park, where he knew he would find her and finally do something. He was fully determined and completely sure. He was going to tell Evans off, send her to hell and move on like he should have ages ago.

If the girl does not appreciate him asking her out and doing all the crazy stuff only for her, then dammit so be it! Enough is enough!

His feet walked over the soft grass of the park, his eyes directed on the petit figure that was sitting at the edge of the lake, her bare feet dangling in water. He raised his chin, determination and slight anger moving him on and opened his mouth to call her name, only to close it right away, when she flinched at hearing foot steps behind her and turned her head towards him in shock, only to show him her tear strained face.

His knees melted with his brain and his plan on ending his – whatever he had with the girl, was send into space.

''Ev- Lilly! What- what's wrong?'' he asked shocked to see tears dripping down her face. With her eyes big and her heart hammering in her chest, she quickly put a piece of paper away and tried to wipe her tears away.

Clearing her throat, she tried to speak without crying again, but failed miserably.

''I-it's alright…'' she brought out, turning her head away, hiding her face. She waived her hand to let him know that there is no problem, but he was already sitting next to her and staring at her in confusion.

''Lily, Lily, Lily… What- Why are you-?'' he tried to say, but then she just held the piece of paper to him and let him read those few sentences written on it. His face paled suddenly and his shoulders crumbled under the weight of the news.

''Lily…'' he took her hand that was holding the paper and looked at her. ''I'm so sorry…''

It seemed that those words were the trigger for the complete los of control over her emotions, as tears overflowed her eyes again and a choking sound came out of her throat. She put her palm over her eyes to hide her face, but James already saw enough. He gulped heavily as he watched her sob her heart out and blinked back his own tears.

Lily Evans. Fierce, strong and confident. The girl who was the epitome of power, intelligence and beauty. The girl who never lost control over anything and made sure others in close proximity did not as well. She was sitting next to him, broken and wounded and in desperate need of human warmth. Because Lily Evans just lost the constant provider of warmth. She lost her parents.

They were murdered.

James could hardly comprehend what he just read. He, who must not be named murdered innocent muggleborns. He did not even have to use strong dark magic but simply crucified them and caused their heart to stop beating. They were not used to magic at all, so it was no wonder they did not last even a few moments.

They were brutally murdered and left lying on the floor, the mark shining above the rooftop of their home. And there was no one in their near sight to be able to help them. They were found a few hours later. And their daughters were informed as of an hour ago.

James started shaking and breathing very hard, not being able to handle the situation as calm as he should. It was… It was not just a shock. It was stronger. He was not angry yet. He was frightened. People actually died. The war was real. It was actually here. And it were Lily's parents, who were one of the first muggle victims of this monster.

The sound of Lily's desperate tries to grasp for air while crying her soul out and calm herself down in vain, brought him out of his lost state. He gently put his arm around her shoulder and carefully pulled her closer. She was shaking like a leaf on water and he was not any better. He brought her face under his chin and already felt her tears wet his shirt. He caressed her head and let her mourn over her beloved ones. His own tears made his way down his cheeks and he let them fall, not being able to keep control over himself.

He never felt such compassion before and he never cried over someone else's beloved ones, but this time, this time it was Lily's family. The girl, who he cared very much for was in pain, agony and he could not handle it at all. There was nothing in this world that could ease her pain and there was nothing that could bring her parents back.

The sun was already setting when Lily's tears finally dried up and her face lost the ability to show any kind of emotions. She never once actually touched her friend while he held her. She was not able to hold anything, her hands and arms had no power in their muscles and her brain was not functioning the right way at the moment.

Her eyes that were glassed over stared emptily at the sunset, not really seeing anything. Her breathing finally calmed down, but she seemed lost in her own world in her memories. James watched her, while holding her in his arms.

He knew that words were not enough. He knew that whatever he might say, it would not help and not change anything. But he desperately wanted to tell her that he was going to try and make her feel better. That she is not alone. That she can rely on him.

''Lilly…'' he whispered gently, making her turn her head slowly towards him.

''I'm here for you. As long as you'll need me. Alright?'' he told her and stared into her eyes. She blinked at him as if she finally realized that he was here and smiled a watery smile, that was more sad than anything.

''Thank you.'' She whispered, her voice breaking at the end. She gulped down her sorrow and took in a shaking breath. ''I never realized that they might be in danger because of me.''

James' eyes widened. ''What? It- it's not your fault, Lily! You ha-''

''I know.'' She interrupted him softly. ''But if I were not a witch, none of this would have ever happened. They would still be all right. They would s-still- they would still-'' her voice broke then again and she cried again and James hugged her closer, whispering that ''no, no, you fool. It's not your fault. You were born a witch; you had no control over this. This is the work of an ill person and you could have never known- you are far from guilty. You don't have to wear any burden because of this.''

He kissed her front head and rocked her gently. She calmed down after that, holding his arm that was wrapped over her stomach. She nodded her head to let him know that she agreed with him and to persuade herself that yes, he was right.

''James…'' her soft voice made him feel so protective over her and he would throttle the crazy man himself if he ever faced him.

''Yeah…'' he breathed out to calm himself down.

The girl was looking at him with gratitude in her eyes and a wry smile covering her face. ''I'm sorry for- for my- that you had to witness- but thank you.'' She took a shaking breath again. ''T-thank you.'' She whispered, gulping down her sorrow once again.

''Don't be sorry, Lily. I would do anything for you, you know that…'' he let her know, but he regretted saying it so directly for he had no right to push his own burdening feelings at her at the moment. He looked away from her for a moment and again back, thinking of how to let her know that he would be there for her, without making it seem that he did it only because of his naive infatuation.

But Lily seemed a little happier because of his words. ''Yes…'' she hugged him closer. ''Yes I know. I- I'd like you to- it would make me very happy if you'd be there when- James I- you- I'm counting on you…'' she tried to make sense while she babbled, her emotions shaken up, but he understood her. He knew what he would do for her.


	5. Sadness Part Two

**_Fascinated_**

* * *

**_Sadness Part Two_**

Like at any other funeral, there were a lot of people crying, prayers were spoken and flowers were thrown into the grave. It was a very sad day, grey and cold. James was holding Lily by her shoulders while she let her tears roll down her pale cheeks. Her friends and his friends were standing behind or next to them and they all gave her support. She knew that. Which is why she felt stronger now. She felt better and it was easier to say goodbye to her parents that way.

Petunia's tears dried some time ago and now, watching her sister standing at the other side of the grave, opposite her, all broken and hurt, she realized that no, Lily really could not be at fault. She felt that way for some time now, even though she did let her thoughts wander towards the dark side for a while after she got the letter.

She blamed Lily during those hours, crying and screaming into the empty room that the los of their parents was entirely Lily's fault. But as hours went by and her memories overcame her thoughts, Petunia slowly came to realize that the still so young Lily, the petite fragile girl who could see her parents only during holidays, who cried every time she saw her family – was far from being guilty.

And now, watching her stand there, all pale and weak, holding herself together just because of her friends' support, she could only feel sorry for her younger sister. And she felt regret to have never telling her that yes, she still cared for her, even if she never really showed it.

So, after the funeral, she decided to bit goodbye to her sister properly. She only had to blink and already, her younger sister was walking towards her. It was so sad, she realized. It has always been Lily, who tried to reach for Petunia and never the other way around. Even now…

Lily walked towards her sister to say goodbye. She hugged Petunia, although it had been a long time since she did that the last time.

''I'm- I'm so sorry, Petunia.'' Lily brought out, her voice soft and her words stuttering. She was crying harder now, standing like a convict in front of her sister who Lily was sure blamed her for the death of their parents. Petunia stared at her younger sibling in sad surprise and noticed the boy's hand on Lily's shoulder.

No…

It was not her fault.

Petunia knew that, even if she had weak moment during which she almost believed it. She approached her sister carefully, shock her head and sighed.

And then she did something that surprised them all. She carefully took Lily's hands, pulled them up and kissed her knuckles with such care and love that Lily's surprise turned into tears. When Petunia finally looked at her moved younger sister, she suddenly realized how much she resembled their mother. She had the same small and pale face, long red hair hugging her petit frame and small figure that made everyone around her protect her. She seemed so fragile, but at the same time, there was enormous power hidden behind these layers. She was the mirror reflection of their mother. And in that moment, Petunia knew in her heart that Lily will face the same destiny as her parents. She was going to die.


End file.
